i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
