Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
