he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
