Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
