Already got asked if we're dating
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
