hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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