Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
