I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
