It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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