Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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