relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
