and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
