Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize