Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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