you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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