He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
