my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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