He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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