I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
