just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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