I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
