i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
