I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
