i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
