lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
