It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
