You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
