Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Can I color on your dick again?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
