Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
