seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
