I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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