YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
