I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
