Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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