I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
