I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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