just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
