It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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