They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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