I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
