His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
