You can't special order awesome
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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