Already got asked if we're dating
Pants 0. Shit 1.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize