I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
