So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
