your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
