the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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