you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
