it was like his penis was on wheels.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
