Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize