only you would photoshop your dick
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I need a burrito and a hug.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
