I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
