Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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