I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
