I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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