You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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