OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
