I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
