were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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