My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
