And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize