party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
