I think I died a long time ago.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
