Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
