I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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